Rapid Car-Bombs

I apologize for the gap between posts. Time Management is really tested during the Silly Season, and a lot has happened since the last posting. With that in mind, I'll do my best to shoot from the hip and spray to all fields:

• It appears that Notre Dame went 3 for 3 in their attempt to shed no more light on the Elizabeth Seeberg case than has already been released, as the St. Joseph County Prosecutors Office announced that it will not prosecute Notre Dame. The County Prosecutor also will not reveal the name of the person who sent Seeberg the threatening text of "Don't do anything you would regret. Messing with notre dame football is a bad idea." Obviously Seeberg's family is not happy about this, nor am I. Before you Notre Dame defenders start saying "See I told you so, Notre Dame does NOTHING wrong!", you should understand that the only reason the Prosecutor will not pursue this is because Seeberg's death makes her statements inadmissible. That is not even close to what would be considered "innocent". Mark my words though, this won't be the last of this, and Notre Dame is FAR from being out of the woods.
• There's been some loud baseball activity on both sides of Chicago the past couple weeks. For the White Sox it was the retention of Paul Konerko and the recently signed Jesse Crain to supplement a weakened bullpen. For the Cubs, it was acquiring the statistically enigmatic Carlos Pena from the Tampa Bay Rays, and welcoming with open arms the return of Kerry Wood to their bullpen. Regarding the Cubs moves, I actually think both are good decisions. For as up and down as Pena has been over his career, he's worth the risk for one year. Getting more fastballs thrown at him in the NL should help him. As for Wood, there's really not much to dislike about it as Kerry gave the Cubs a HUGE hometown discount, while simultaneously giving them a proven bullpen arm and opens the door to Andrew Cashner joining their rotation. If Jim Hendry can pull of the impossible and make this Zambrano to the Yankees rumor happen, that would REALLY be amazing. I'll believe that when it happens though. With the White Sox transactions, I think it was brilliant how they made Konerko cave to the pressure from Dunn and AJ back loading their deals to make room for him. Paulie has been the face and captain of this team for the better part of 10 years and keeping him along for one more "go for it" season was the right thing to do, even though it involved some public peer pressure. Crain could be good, but he could be Linebrink too (please god I hope he's better than that).
• Brett Favre...Eff your record. Yeah it's impressive, yeah you played through a lot of pain to get it, but your still a douche, and you really should thank Goodell for waiting until your streak was over before making a decision on whether or not to suspend you. Bye-Bye Ass-Face...
• And now to the Bears. I'd personally like to thank the Vikings for having a hole ripped through their dome to shift the focus on where this upcoming Monday night's game will be played, rather than how awful the Bears were last Sunday. As for how this situation is being handled, The Beard thinks this is the biggest fustercluck he can remember seeing in the NFL since the New Orleans Saints had to play games in Baton Rouge and San Antonio in the wake of Hurricane Katrina 5 years ago. I can't remember whether or not Beer was sold for those games in Baton Rouge, but I DEFINITELY know they won't be served at TCF Bank Stadium! Not to mention there are 15,000 people that had tickets to this game that will not have seats, and even though they are working like hell to melt the 2 inches of ice and snow covering the field at this moment, the weather forecast calls for more SNOW this weekend! In summary this is really a dumb way to handle this by the league. Who gives a crap that it's the 50th anniversary night for the Vikings Franchise? That poor piece of scheduling is really worth having to go through all of this garbage at the risk of player and fan safety? In my opinion...I've got another place you can put that snow shovel...

In the meantime please click on the picture to enjoy some outtakes of Ozzie Guillen shooting a Christmas Commercial! Haaaaaaappy Holidaaaaays...Haaaaaaaaappy Holidaaaaaaaaaays...

And The Walls...Come Crumbling Dowwwwn...

In case you haven't noticed, which based on ESPN's non-coverage of this rather significant story involving the NFL'S All Time Interception Leader (said it before I'll say it again, LOVE YOU DEADSPIN) sexting pictures of his Wang and leaving propositioning voice mails on the cellphone of one Jenn Sterger. You can see copies of the alleged Wang De Favre here, if you need to.

Obviously I could just echo the thoughts of many people way more articulate than me on how wonderful this is to see a hypocrite destroy everything he's built over nearly 20 years just for the sake of obtaining some ass outside of marriage. I would just be wasting time though, as I've already gone over how I cannot decide what I'm more disgusted with, what an absolute fake and phony Brett Favre is, or what absolute morons people are for believing he's the great guy ESPN wants you to think he is. 

Believe or not people are actually mad at Deadspin for this. Like Deadspin are the ones that sent pictures of their Wang to Jenn Sterger while being a married father (now grandfather). Can't wait to see how they react with the news that Jenn Sterger is far from the only one who has received this kind of treatment from Favre. Those people simply vindicate me for feeling the way I do about Favre, but that's neither here nor there.

Here's what I'll be watching for:

1. What Hanging Judge Roger Goodell does with Brett, since this is sexual harassment of a fellow NFL employee. 

2. Whether or not ESPN will finally make any mention of this since it's well known that any ESPN employee is not allowed to make reference to deadspin.com, let alone say anything negative about Brett Favre.

3. How soon Favre will own up to this. He's already issued a non-denial, denial about it, but he only needs to learn from Tiger Woods, the longer he waits to apologize, the more desperate and pathetic it will seem when he eventually will be forced to.

Told Ya...

I'd like to thank the White Sox before I begin. Thank you for ending the season last night courtesy of yet another blown save at a crucial time. There's no way they can come back from that devastating a loss. No way. That's the kind of loss that just rips any semblance of a heart you had left, mainly because it came off the bat of Jim Thome, and those goddamn Minnesota Twins. I'm so tired of them! But I digest...

I wish I had better news to blather about but unfortunately the NFL All Time Picks Leader is at it again. The news broke today that Jared Allen, Ryan Longwell, and Steve Hutchinson were sent down to Hattiesburg, MS in order to lure "Captain Crocs" back to the Vikings. Seemingly within the hour, Brett was on a plane headed for Winter Park, Minnesota, where it is expected that he will announce that he is playing again this year.

Again, this shouldn't surprise anyone. Nobody with a brain believed his B.S. Text messages about retiring a couple of weeks ago. Nobody with a critical eye believed his ankle was that bad. Nobody who could count, ever believed he would walk away from $13 million. Unfortunately for us though, despite all of us knowing full well what was going to happen....Favre found a new way to make himself look even MORE Diva-ish than he ever has before.

The fact that he needed three teammates to fly down to his house, and to make a big enough production to make it look like they were on their knees begging him to comeback is so SHAMEFUL. How big of an ego do you have, when you require that big of a display to make you feel good about playing again? How much of a Me Guy are you, that you would take time out of other players training camp schedules that they could be using to get ready for a season, to instead have to waste it making it seem like they're convincing you to do something, you've already made up your mind about doing?

I've said it before, and I'll say it till the day The Beard is no longer walking the Earth, Brett Favre is a 100% PHONY ASS BASTARD! I wish I could say the Bears are going to be able to rip his head and arm off this season, but obviously that won't be the case. Looking at the schedule though, the Jets, the Packers, and the Lions with my guy Ndamukong Suh will get a chance to do precisely that, so we can finally be permanently rid of the NFL's Worst Diva of all time.

CROC Out With Your Cock Out!

You knew this was coming...if you'll pardon the expression. WARNING : If you have delicate ears, or if you have little kids reading this blog, you might want to skip this post because I'm going to be working a little "blue". Love them, detest them, or both, the one shining beacon of light and truth in the world of sports reporting Deadspin.com unleashed this bombshell regarding the NFL All Time Leader in Picks Thrown, Brett Favre today.

There's a few things at work here. Obviously, this is far from the first time an athlete, specifically an NFL Player, has been caught or exposed with cellphone pictures of him and his Wang out. This has been a phenomenon of sorts for some time, and it's indirectly responsible for how deadspin even became aware of the Favre Cock Pics in the first place, according to the article. These pictures usually come to light because the initial recipient of the picture was some ex-girlfriend who got dumped by the player, and in an act of revenge she releases the picture of the athlete and his dick, out to the media. The player who is literally "exposed" usually offers some bullshit "I'm sorry I let down my fans" apology, and it's subsequently brushed over.

This situation however is NOT one of those typical Wang Out occurrences! This is Brett Fucking Favre! The same Brett Favre that tried to tell everyone how important his wife is to him, and how much it meant to him that she was with him when he went to rehab. This is the same Brett Favre that wanted credit for how he "stood by her" during his wife's battle with breast cancer - even though any decent human being would do that without even THINKING about it. The same Brett Favre that shoved his father's death down everyone's throat on a Monday Night Football game against the Oakland Raiders in 2003, and all the other personal tragedies he's had in his life. This is the same Brett Favre that the Boo-Yah's, John Madden, and all the other Favre Dick-Lickers out there, have tried to convince everyone that Brett's just a great guy who loves to play football as if it's worthy of sainthood.

Again this is all dependent upon these pictures actually existing and thus becoming public. If they do exist and are released, then it turns out that this "great guy" is nothing more than a pervy, masturbating while wearing nothing but Crocs and a sticky watch, scumbag degenerate who doesn't give a shit about his wife, his kids, or anybody else but Brett Favre. You can say what you want about A.J. Daulerio's character, bully tactics, willingness to jump the gun with the chick with the (formerly) big boobies Jenn Sterger, etc. but the fact remains that's he's exposing Brett Favre for what he has been his entire life, and that is a raging, selfish dirtball.

Nothing A.J. or Deadspin does will change that fact, and now thankfully, neither will Brett...

"WOLF! WOLF! WOLF!!!!!"

As Ray Charles once sang, "Here we go again". Unless you just got back from Mars, you may have heard that the NFL's all time leader in Interceptions thrown Brett Favre has "retired" for the third time in his career today. If you're like me, at this point your own private B.S. Detector doesn't even react anymore when one of these stories breaks involving Vicodin Boy, because we've been down this road a time or two and we all know that the movie still ends with him suited up ready to play on Week 1. I was relieved with exception to the Boo-Yah's, everyone else is pretty skeptical that this retirement is for real as well - and that includes his teammates evidently.

Now there is one thing that should probably be addressed. Could his ankle still not be healed from the surgery he had this offseason? Absolutely that's possible. He IS 40 years old after all, and the body - especially a body that's been exposed to the hits of the NFL for nearly 20 years isn't going to respond as it usually does after a certain point. Brett Favre's ankle certainly falls in that category. So I understand that people would be tempted to believe that it's not a matter of does Favre want to play, but rather will his ankle let him.

I'm not buying any of that however, and I'll tell you why. Besides the obvious factors of Favre being notoriously and conveniently indecisive especially when it brings him all the extra attention, speculation, limelight, focus, and ass-kissing that only ESPN can provide a diva like him, there's another reason I think is a dead giveaway. The reason is, that if Favre were that serious about hanging it up, wouldn't it stand to reason that either he or the Vikings would call a press conference to announce his farewell from the league? He's still under contract in case you were wondering, which means that the Vikings have to make an an official announcement as to whether or not a player under contract has indeed retired. Plus if his mind was indeed made up that this is it for him, there would have to be some sort of goodbye or sendoff for him wouldn't there? Maybe the press conference is on it's way, maybe it isn't. Maybe Favre is telling the Vikings that his ankle isn't healthy now, but if Week 3 comes around and it starts feeling fine again, maybe he calls up Childress and he's starting by Week 4 - thus preserving his consecutive games played streak?

Only Favre really knows for sure, but mark it down right here : Favre is coming back THIS season. I refuse to believe he isn't until the final snap of Week 17 takes place and he hasn't seen the field yet. Even if that happens though....I still can't rule out that he makes a comeback again in 2011

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!