Why? (Part I)

I'm back from my Canadian Tour and I'm happy to report that Whitey Guccione is big among the Great White North. Per the request of my good friend Thomas, as well as others, I've been asked to give my take on the Dez Bryant refusing to carry Roy Williams pads incident. I'd like to point out first of all that these stories only really become stories due to the fact that NFL Training Camp is a pretty dead period, and the media will report damn near anything when given the opportunity. This is one of those opportunities. Nevertheless, there is some interesting subtext to this, mainly because of the people involved and the history behind these NFL "traditions".

Let's start with Roy Williams. After amassing three solid productive seasons from 2004-2006 which included a Pro-Bowl in '06, Williams has had a precipitous fall in both numbers and reputation ever since. He did have a somewhat decent season last year statistically, hauling in 38 passes, 7 of which went for Touchdowns but that was hardly enough production for a guy signed to a 6 year, $54 million dollar contract. Jerry Jones and the rest of those in Cowboyland thought the same thing, so they went ahead and drafted Bryant in what seemed like a move destined to doom Roy to the Cut List.

As for Bryant, well he's certainly been no stranger to controversy thus far, has he? We all now know that his mother WASN'T a prostitute thanks to Miami Dolphins General Manger Jeff Ireland double checking that with Dez before the draft. Bryant is also the same guy that didn't fully disclose his dealings with Deion Sanders and therefore had the rest of his eligibility stripped from him by the NCAA in 2009. So it's safe to say that at the very least, Dez doesn't mind being his own man and going his own way versus the conventional route.

As for the "tradition" itself, it's one of the many stupid-ass hazing rituals that take place in the NFL that I wish would just go the hell away. I understand the point of hazing, grab-assing, ball-busting among sports teams but too often the line gets crossed. I can recall the time Jeremy Shockey decided he didn't want to color inside the lines in his rookie tradition expectations, and he ended up brawling with veteran linebacker Brandon Short because he wanted to sing his Alma mater "after I finish eating".

So in summary, I'm OK with Bryant refusing to carry his pads, just as long as he understands everything that comes with that refusal. First of all, veterans have a funny way of evening the odds - just ask Shawne Merriman. The second thing Bryant needs to understand is that if he's going to refuse this expectation, he's raising the stakes for what the Cowboys expect from him. If he's asking for special treatment like this, he has to show that he is a special player each and every time out there. That not only means he must shine on the field on Sundays but also must run 110% on every drill and every practice for the rest of his career - no loafing allowed EVER.

Maybe Bryant will become one of the best receivers in the league, and maybe he won't. Either way though, he has definitely increased the zoom on the microscope of his already carefully examined young career. We shall see exactly whether or not Dez has sabotaged his own chances for success...

Parting Shots

The Beard will be taking his act out on the road starting Thursday. I shall return Monday with fresh thoughts and perspectives, but before I go here are some quick hits:

• I absolutely LOVE that USC is sending Bush's Heisman Trophy from 2005 back! Good luck with Pat Hayden as the new Athletic Director. Not sure what he's going to do? Maybe nothing, or maybe he just needs to be some B.S. Face of Integrity for the university? Either way, I love that USC is being forced to pay the piper. Believe it or not, I'm hearing from these ignorant, arrogant, and self-indulgent USC fans and alumni claiming that they are being "unfairly singled out". If by unfairly singled out, they mean, "It sucks that we got caught cheating" then yes, my hemmorhoids bleed for you Trojan Nation. Go screw yourselves.
• Imagine that, Bobby Jenks blew another win for the White Sox tonight. Jenks gave away the Sox best chance of sweeping the Mariners in Seattle since 1994. So congrats to him on another dubious milestone achieved. I've already shared my thoughts on how much he needs to be removed as the closer post-haste. Hopefully tonight gives Ozzie enough cause to do exactly that as the Sox head into Oakland.
• The rumor mill is circling and candidates Ryne Sandberg, Bob Brenly want to manage the Cubs, and hell even Joe Torre won't rule himself out as a possible candidate. Again, it's going to take more than a good manager to make a winner out of this bunch, and I still don't care what Ricketts said, I don't believe Jim Hendry is back next year.
• The Bulls are supposedly working out Tracy McGrady. YAWN. McGrady is so washed up parents tell their kids to "Tracy McGrady" before they go to bed.

See you guys soon!!!

When The World Is Running Down...

Lou Piniella announced that he will retire at the end of the 2010 season. In a related note, he also announced that Candy will be given out to children on October 31, 2010. I'm kidding about the second part, but I write that to illustrate the point that this news is hardly surprising to anyone who has followed the Cubs this season. I once wrote that Lou Piniella is the most successful Cub manager they've had since their 1908 championship, but alas "most successful" is not synonymous with "good". Lou has done several things that are beyond goofy in terms of his management of the team, and it was clear that the game had passed him by. So his departure really isn't newsworthy, but the way it was announced sure is.

What makes this newsworthy for starters, is that it was announced barely a week after the All-Star Break. That's a little unusual. It also was done in a way that suggested Lou will be given some sort of send-off but yet in Lou's mind, the Cubs "aren't out of it yet"...whatever that's supposed to mean? What really struck me as strange though was the presence of Tom Ricketts and the things he said.

Ricketts said he's fully committed to Jim Hendry as Cubs GM, which if you're a Cub fan that should make you sick. It's been 7 years 2 - going on 3 managers, and whole lot of awful, bad long term contracts with enough no-trade clauses to choke a camel during Hendry's time as GM. For the owner to still back a man with that kind of track record who has pissed away all of that former Tribune and now Ricketts' money in a way that prohibits any kind of quick turnaround is mind blowing. That said, I'm still going to give Ricketts the benefit of the doubt because he was not in a position to announce that Hendry was on the hot seat....as he's sitting RIGHT NEXT TO HIM at the podium. Ricketts also might not have wanted to take the focus away from Lou's announcement considering Lou is revered in many baseball circles. I would hope (and I'm sure Cub fans would agree with me) that Rickett's knows that firing Jim Hendry is what he needs to do, and doesn't feel like tipping his hand just yet.

One of the first emails The Beard received when the news broke was if I thought there was any chance Joe Girardi would leave the Yankees to become the Cub manager. My response was that it's going to take a whole lot more than Joe Girardi, or Bob Brenly, or Ryne Sandberg to turn the Cubs around because it's going to require massive reconstructive surgery, rather than cosmetic. To paraphrase Jerry Krause, the Cubs situation isn't a team issue, but rather an organizational issue. The Rickett's Family needs to clean house at every level of the front office and start fresh with an innovative General Manager/President/Director of Baseball Operations. Rick Hahn, or Damon Oppenheimer, or Scott Proefrock are among the hottest untested names. That's a good place to start.

The Cubs need to start somewhere deep, bold, and innovative, because quite honestly there's nowhere to go but up. A new manager alone does not provide enough boost to launch the Cubs rocket...

CLOSE THE DOOR!

Today's loss made me absolutely sick! Sick! Just absolutely inexcusable. Yeah Rios gave the game away with a throw that would be worthy of a 9:15 PM Thursday Night softball game at Clarendon Park centerfielder, but the truth is, Rios should have never been in that position in the first place. Rios as well as his other teammates should know that a three run lead is safe when the closer is put in the ball game. That didn't happen today though did it?

It's decision time for Bobby Jenks. While I'm not ready to committ to Sergio Santos as the full time closer, I'm very confident Jenks is no longer able to be trusted as the closer of this team anymore especially when J.J. Putz or Matt Thornton are right there for you. Sorry guys, but this isn't 2005 and more importantly this isn't the 2005 version of Bobby Jenks.

The first thing that people must remember is that Jenks didn't start out as the closer of that team. That was Shingo Takatsu (remember him?). After that, it was Dustin Hermanson until his back gave out. THEN Jenks took over. So it's more than realistic for a team fighting for the postseason to change closers in the middle of the season.

The second thing people need to understand is that the 2005 version of Bobby Jenks had a fastball that routinely touched 98 MPH, and consistently threw his curveball and slider over for strikes. The 2010 version of Bobby strains to throw 96 MPH and when he hits 96, it's usually for ball one. He can't locate his curve and slider for strikes and when he does they are hangers which are appropriately killed. I don't want to hear about 20/22 save conversions being an acceptable ratio. Jenks is just not reliable anymore, and if he can be moved (which I don't think is possible) it should happen.

If not, he can sit right next to Scott Linebrink in the bullpen and take comfort in the fact that he won't be used in any significant games.

...Aint What She Used To Be

Well that's three now Eldrick. With the electric tournament run by newly minted British Open Champ Louis Oosthuzien, Woods is now 0-3 out of the 4 majors this year. Any thoughts from you as to why you suck now, Tiger? He says it's the iron play and putting that's been off for him. So much so that he abandoned his Nike putter for his previous putter of 13 of his 14 championships, Scotty Cameron for the final round today. That obscure and random move reeks of desperation first of all, second and most important, it didn't work either as after a nice start on Sunday he pulled Double Bogey's on 4 and 7, to finish a pedestrian 13 shots off the leader.

Here's the deal. Woods can talk all about his iron play, his putters, his ball striking, yada yada yada. It's all B.S. A lot of people speculate it's all between the ears with Woods. I actually disagree with that theory. I believe it's a physical thing with Woods....REAL physical and I'm not talking about "Perkins Waitress" physical. I'm talking about Doctor Anthony "Doctor Pee-Pee" Galea physical.

Let's go to the Eye Test by reviewing some of the unreal shots Woods has made over the years:

1. 2000 U.S. Open -Woods took a 7 iron and drove the ball over a huge tree, a tall hill, and the cut of the cove onto the cusp of green.
2. 2008 U.S. Open - Woods made a playoff forcing putt with a broken leg and a torn ACL.
3. 2000 Bell Canadian Open - Woods takes a 6 iron out of a fairway bunker, hits the ball over the water and part of the gallery to stick it on the green within 15 feet of the hole.

Remarkable, almost legendary performances indeed wouldn't you say? Whether or not you personally believe that Woods used performance enhancing drugs over his career is up to you at this point, but ask yourself this. It's certainly clear that the remarkable shot-making that used to be a trademark of Woods' tournament performance are certainly missing aren't they? What's a more realistic explanation for their absence? He's not mentally there because his wife is going to take him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, or does he no longer have the muscle strength to make impossible shots and the muscle memory of what his putts are supposed to feel like anymore?

You answer that, and you may start to understand why Woods is no longer Tiger on the golf course these days...

Putting The "Ass" In "Class"

OK, I feel just as dirty as you think I should for writing two Yankee related Blog Posts in the past week. I don't hate the Yankee Organization mind you, I'm indifferent to them. They have the most money of any team in baseball and a middle finger of a ballpark that after being funded by taxpayer dollars, now charges their fans $15 for a hot-dog. Fine...good for them. I do reserve my hate for Yankee FANS however. I cannot stand them. They are some of the most classless pieces of garbage I've encountered this side of Philadelphia. There's one big difference though, and that is that Yankee fans are all too quick to remind anyone who will listen (while sporting a smug smart-ass grin while doing so) that they are the "classiest" organization in professional sports. Ugh!!

As you no doubt have been beaten over the head during the past week, with the incessant coverage of the "tragic" losses of George Steinbrenner and Bob Sheppard - which I didn't know that dying at 99 years old is necessarily that "tragic", you may or may not have noticed a funny thing happened. Despite all the fan fair, hyperbole, and mysticism surrounding the late "Voice Of God" Bob Sheppard, not ONE Yankee player PAST or PRESENT showed up at Sheppard's funeral. Not one...nobody...

Does that strike you as odd? It certainly did to me. I mean Derek Jeter DID use a recording of Bob Sheppard's introduction when he came to bat at last weeks All-Star Game right? Jeter also did nothing but gush over the passing of Sheppard, and kept repeating how much Sheppard meant to the players and organization. Yet when it comes to answering why Jeter missed Sheppard's funeral, "...I don't necessarily think you have to go to a funeral to honor someone..." REEEAAAAALLLY Derek?! Well guess what then schmuck, I don't think anyone should go to YOUR funeral either then when it happens, since you apparently don't think it's a requirement. How do you like that, you sanctimonious dick-nose?

This is just one more example of not only Jeter acting like a complete punk-ass, but that wonderful classy organization called the New York Yankees feeding people chicken sh*t and calling it "Prime Rib" rather than Chicken Salad. So please Yankee Fans, don't tell me that you're organization is so much better than everyone else, when they operate on a whole other level of hypocrisy and double talk.

Viva La Deadspin!

Did I ever mention how much I dislike ESPN? Well at the risk of repeating myself, yes I still HATE ESPN! Tonight is another reminder of why I do, as their annual event/self-fellatio takes place tonight, otherwise known as The ESPY Awards. The event is full of attempts to try and convince people that sports figures are heroes in every sense of the word and deserve our unconditional admiration for simply walking the same earth as the likes of Drew Brees, Landon Donovan and Phil Mickleson do. The ESPY's are an award show, that even for an award show, is so pretentious, self-aggrandizing, and sappy, that "nauseating" isn't nearly a strong enough word to describe it.

As I pondered if there has ever been a time I was remotely interested in watching the ESPY's, a flashback suddenly hit me. The flashback of 1998 hit me like a bucket of water. That years' ESPY awards were hosted by Norm MacDonald, and I remember this because he gave one of the funniest and envelope pushing monologue's I've ever seen anyone pull off. I then randomly clicked over to Deadspin and thankfully they were (once again) way ahead of me and had the monologue readily available.

So click here to view it. As you will no doubt agree, ESPN will NEVER allow for something like this to ever happen again, simply because it was awesome...