Happy Anniversary!!!

I'd be remiss if I didn't take a time out this Thanksgiving to commemorate one of the my favorite days in sports history. November 27, 2009.

In case you've been living in a cave on Mars with your eyes shut and your fingers in your ears, here's a complete timeline of everything that's happened since. From my perspective, a wonderful thing occurred in the early hours of that day, and that was the edifice of Tiger Woods seemingly impenetrable marketing appeal was decimated the moment Woods got into that Escalade wearing nothing but his shorts and socks.

From that moment forward, we the people of the reasonable, rational, skeptical, and cynical sports world were shown the real Tiger Woods. The duplicitous, fraudulent, petulant, blame everyone except himself Tiger Woods finally emerging for us all to digest.

If there's a downside to all of this for me, it's simply this: I don't believe Woods has been nearly as criticized as he should be. There are still plenty of people in the media i.e. Rick Reilly, that make no attempt to disguise the fact that they are rooting for him. Nevermind that showing prevailing Woods Homerism is patently against the principles of being an objective journalist, but then again that's why Reilly works for ESPN right?

People really need Woods to be the dominant golfer he was before November 27, 2009, and it's downright PATHETIC! I can find no other word to describe this childlike need for a golf hero. People still refuse to accept that Eldrick is not only a jerk and a phony of a human being, but more importantly they won't accept any thoughts or ideas that the reason he no longer dominates golf tournaments anymore has nothing to do with the amount of Road Pussy obtained versus Monitored Steroid Use by Doctor Anthony Galea.

In the end though, none of it matters. All of this talk of how Woods can repair his image is just empty conversation. The only way Woods image gets repaired is if he starts reeling off tournament wins again.

Since we all know the way he won tournaments before isn't going to be possible until he gets another PED Hookup, we won't be seeing any image repair anytime soon, and the world is a better place for it.

Do You Believe Me Now?

This is bordering the ridiculous at this point. In case you missed it - and judging by the television ratings, you did - Eldrick Woods played his WORST four rounds of golf this past weekend since he joined the PGA Tour. The damages include shooting 18 over par, shooting over par on 25 of the 72 holes, and is now in danger of no longer being the top ranked golfer in the world. Now he faces the possibility of not even being picked for the Ryder Cup Team...and I couldn't be more schadenfreude about it!

The most amazing thing about this mysterious funk (to put it lightly) that Woods is going through is that the more he plays, the worse he gets. He started the season by finishing fourth at the Masters, then he posted his pedestrian 13 strokes behind the leader finish at the British Open, and now he finished in next to last place at a tournament where he's never finished worse than 5th in the last 11 times he's competed in it. Ouch.

Not only is he not winning, or being competitive, but the way he is playing is really suspicious. From striking balls fat on Par 3's, missing routine chips, slicing tee shots so bad that they're hitting trees and spectators on a routine basis it's all been a big bag of AWFUL. It's gotten so bad that Woods himself said "I wouldn’t help the team if I’m playing like this" when asked about the possibility of being on the Ryder Cup team.

There's just something really off about him right now, and again I hate to beat a dead horse, but you can't help but wonder if Doctor Galea not being able to treat him has a lot to do with this? Say Galea starts talking. Say Galea admits that he's been giving Woods steroids, HGH, and a strict regimen of Performance Enhancing Drugs over the latter part of Woods' career. Doesn't that change things? Doesn't that impact how fans will respect Woods even more than Woods cheating on his wife EVER could? Doesn't that severely diminish what Woods has accomplished, much the same way as watching A-Rod hit 600 home runs and NOBODY cares? Doesn't it explain the remarkable shot making and his winning tournaments at a record pace that we all witnessed over his career?

As William Shakespeare once said, "abso-freakin-lutely!"

...Aint What She Used To Be

Well that's three now Eldrick. With the electric tournament run by newly minted British Open Champ Louis Oosthuzien, Woods is now 0-3 out of the 4 majors this year. Any thoughts from you as to why you suck now, Tiger? He says it's the iron play and putting that's been off for him. So much so that he abandoned his Nike putter for his previous putter of 13 of his 14 championships, Scotty Cameron for the final round today. That obscure and random move reeks of desperation first of all, second and most important, it didn't work either as after a nice start on Sunday he pulled Double Bogey's on 4 and 7, to finish a pedestrian 13 shots off the leader.

Here's the deal. Woods can talk all about his iron play, his putters, his ball striking, yada yada yada. It's all B.S. A lot of people speculate it's all between the ears with Woods. I actually disagree with that theory. I believe it's a physical thing with Woods....REAL physical and I'm not talking about "Perkins Waitress" physical. I'm talking about Doctor Anthony "Doctor Pee-Pee" Galea physical.

Let's go to the Eye Test by reviewing some of the unreal shots Woods has made over the years:

1. 2000 U.S. Open -Woods took a 7 iron and drove the ball over a huge tree, a tall hill, and the cut of the cove onto the cusp of green.
2. 2008 U.S. Open - Woods made a playoff forcing putt with a broken leg and a torn ACL.
3. 2000 Bell Canadian Open - Woods takes a 6 iron out of a fairway bunker, hits the ball over the water and part of the gallery to stick it on the green within 15 feet of the hole.

Remarkable, almost legendary performances indeed wouldn't you say? Whether or not you personally believe that Woods used performance enhancing drugs over his career is up to you at this point, but ask yourself this. It's certainly clear that the remarkable shot-making that used to be a trademark of Woods' tournament performance are certainly missing aren't they? What's a more realistic explanation for their absence? He's not mentally there because his wife is going to take him to the cleaners in the divorce settlement, or does he no longer have the muscle strength to make impossible shots and the muscle memory of what his putts are supposed to feel like anymore?

You answer that, and you may start to understand why Woods is no longer Tiger on the golf course these days...

But Wait! He's STILL F*CKIN UP!!!!!

Nothing like a little "Tiger Woods Is Still A Disaster" distraction to take my mind and itchiness off of LeBron for a moment! First came news that Tiger's Wandering Pinnazio is going to cost him at least $750 million in his divorce, with the agreement stipulating that Tiger cannot bring any of his whooooares around their kids unless he's married to one of them. In exchange, Elin must never speak publicly about her relationship, marriage and subsequent divorce, or reveal any details about his private life : namely Tiger's affairs outside of their marriage.

While certainly the amount of money is staggering enough to comprehend, it may be more than just a big number. When you get right down to it, he's essentially paying Elin "hush money", which is surprising because supposedly everything is out in the open now, right? We all know how often he cheated, and who he cheated with. We know how she found out, when she found out, and we also know she beat the living crap out of him with a 9 iron on Thanksgiving as a result. So why do Tiger and his attorney's believe she has to keep quiet? Is it because it will help him recover his image faster? Maybe...but I think there's another reason...

The other reason may have to do with the second piece of news that broke today, which is that Tiger spoke with the Feds regarding his treatment from the currently indicted Doctor Anthony Galea. Tiger's agent Marc Steinberg pointlessly tried to spin it by saying Tiger's not a suspect, Tiger didn't take any steroids or HGH, and he cooperated fully, blah, blah, blah. Suuuure he did. Galea is only accused of giving steroids and HGH to baseball players, NFL and CFL players, and treated Dara Torres...but I'm sure he wouldn't DARE give any juice to TIGER riiiiiiight?! (Hang on my B.S. Detector just exploded).

The fact of the matter is, Galea's assistant was caught with vials of HGH, has since plead guilty and will be a key witness against her boss. If convicted, Galea is looking at up to 20 years in prison. Do you think Galea will be willing to do the time? I personally wouldn't bet on it, which means it's only a matter of time before he starts singing like a canary, Victor Conte-style. Take a wild guess which name he might drop? His name rhymes with Tiger Woods...

So not only has Tiger paid too much hush money to his soon-to-be ex-wife, it probably won't matter anyway because he won't be able to buy Galea out of the mess he's in. Looks like you misread that putt too Tiger. God this is so much for me...

The Joke Just Keeps Getting Funnier...

Saw this in the National Enquirer and it serves as a further reminder that Sex Addiction is complete B.S. and that married men should never go in for "treatment" because I refuse to believe that it EVER ends well for them. So according to Eldrick, the number of Skank-Bags on his scorecard is 121 - give or take a few here and there. 121....yeah....

First of all, this is the most impressive "score" I've ever seen Woods post in his career. Second of all, this story explains why Elin hasn't been seen around Woods since being spotted at the facility months ago. Third, who knows if Woods is being completely truthful. Fourth, the National Enquirer was the paper that broke the whole Tiger Cheater scandal back in November when nobody else would, so there's no reason to doubt them here. Fifth, this should REALLY help Elin get top dollar in court, and I salute her.

Most importantly, this is yet another nail in the king size coffin of the cash cow that was the Tiger Woods Family Man brand. BTW I'm still waiting for all these endorsements that were supposed to come Woods' way after the Masters? Hello Endorsers? Anyone there besides my fathers corpse????

Good Things

Sometimes things work out for the best, despite the madness surrounding them.

For the past month and half or so, this years Masters was severely hyped up because of the return of Eldrick Woods. Everyone from media, talk radio, publications, bloggers (including myself) all had an opinion, thought, or emotion regarding Woods' return. How will he play? Will he be heckled? How will he handle adversity if he doesn't play well? Will he be able to reclaim his throne as the Goliath Of Golf? Blah, Blah, Blah...

What we failed to realize is that there are plenty of other remarkable golfers on this tour. One of them claimed his third Green Jacket this weekend, and his name is Phil Mickelson. Shame on us for allowing Eldrick to play us for saps again. He tried to make this years Master Tournament all about him, and he damn near succeeded. Mickelson however, snatched the spotlight right from him. How did he do this? Not only by winning the tournament, not only by playing with a dramatic crowd-engaging flair, not only by making arguably the greatest Masters shot ever....but he also reminded us he took a leave of absence from golf because he actually gave a sh*t about his wife, rather than engage in a bunch of self-indulgent "rehab" or "therapy" like Woods did.

Before I get accused of going soft though, I must clarify that I'm NOT suggesting Phil is an angel, or a model citizen. I point this out for a couple of reasons. One, we really are unable to actually know anything about a sports figure, that they don't allows us to know. Two, there have been some for odd rumors about Phil for quite some time. So please don't say I'm suggesting Phil is one of the "good guys" or anything similar to that.

All I'm saying is that Phil played a remarkable tournament. Despite what people who started watching golf around 1997 say, or people who play Golden Tee in bars and believe that makes them some sort of an "expert", or what the television ratings say, Phil was able to remind us that the PGA is much more than just Eldrick. It's been around way before his arrival, and it will be around when he no longer plays...no matter how selfishly he tries to make it all about him.

"...HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF DECENCY, SIR?"

Well, he finally did it. I truly believed that The Beard was the only one left who hadn't gotten angry, or hurt, or disappointed, or shocked at Eldrick for his sexual misgivings, bad driving, and overall scumbag personality being brought out in full view for the Court Of Public Opinion to rule over. I thought I was the only one who knew this guy was nothing but of piece of crap from day one. Until now, I just laughed my whole way through this bizarre journey since Thanksgiving.

That has all changed now with the release of this Nike Ad. Now he's PISSED ME OFF! While the whole golf world watched him laugh and joke and play grab-ass to the crowd/cameras on his way to shooting 4 under par today at Augusta National Golf KKKlub, he managed to do something that actually surprised, disappointed, shocked, and angered me with the release of this ad today. The ad essentially unearths his fathers corpse and uses it as a human shield so that he can continue to sell Nike products, PERIOD. There's no other explanation, interpretation or goal.

What people must first remember is that not only was Tiger Woods The Nice Guy Family Man image a myth before Thanksgiving, but Earl Woods similar image was a myth as well. Earl Woods according to several reports like this one, was a fall-down drunk who also cheated on his wife and whether people like it or not, probably shouldn't have programmed his son to do nothing but play golf as early as the age of THREE YEARS OLD. Secondly, even if Earl was such a strong and wholesome influence on Eldrick, it is still unethical, not to mention completely CREEPY to exploit his death by suggesting it's the reason why Tiger The Hero fell from grace, let alone to sell product for a global multi-billion dollar faceless bloodthirsty corporation.

This is a new low, even for Tiger. This is nothing but shameless on his and Nike's part. The worst thing is that his fans, admirers, linchpins and sycophants don't care simply because Eldrick is still a great golfer. That's all that matters to them...unless it was their daughter that he married and cheated on...unless it was their neighborhood he was drunk driving in...unless it was their daughter that Eldrick had sex with in his office.

Then maybe the hero-worshippers might develop something that Eldrick, Nike, his media ass-lickers, and his fans seem to think is a disease...a CONSCIENCE.

GuciNugs and Observations

The Beard is checking in with some odds and ends he noticed over the past weekend:

• Terrific NCAA Tournament so far. One of the best I can remember quite frankly, despite two of my predicted Final Four teams already eliminated-THANKS A LOT BIG EAST! Plenty of upsets, last second shots, overtime thrillers, and overall good "white boy basketball" being the term I heard a few pundits use to refer to the success of teams like Cornell, Northern Iowa, Butler, and St. Mary's, as they all advanced to the Sweet 16. After watching the games this weekend, it seems the easiest explanation of why so many upsets took place was the decided advantage teams with seniors in the starting lineup have over teams that have highly recruited talented freshman players. The correlation being that the teams with the seniors have played together longer and know each other's strengths and weakness versus a team featuring superstar freshmen being overwhelmed at the reality of playing in the tournament for the first time...I doubt very highly if that will stop Kentucky from winning it all, but if Kentucky does win it, it will likely be erased within 3 years.
• The NFL Owners Meetings are taking place in Orlando this week, and the number one story so far seems to be possible changes to the Overtime System in the playoffs. The main talking point would be the significance of a field goal, meaning if a team kicks a field goal in overtime, the other team would get a fresh set of downs to do the same. If they kick a field goal in return, THEN the game goes to sudden death. There are three points of outrage that come to my mind. First of all, that's just silly since sudden death would still be possible under this change anyway. Second of all, I somehow get the feeling that the only reason this is even being talked about is because Brett Vicodin didn't go to the Super Bowl last year, and the Networks didn't like it. Third, there is a friggin LOCKOUT on the horizon! How The Lockout isn't priority number one during these owners meetings is beyond me?! Worrying about overtime, and concussions is the equivalent of making sure the doorknobs and brass railings are really shiny on the Titanic. All things NFL should take a backseat until they can secure that the league will even be playing football in 2011.
• Eldrick Woods once again took another major misstep on Sunday. In another bizarre move from Goliath, he agree to do a 5 minute "interview" with not one but two handpicked media members Tom Rinaldi and Kelly Tilghman, in which he once again revealed.....nothing. First of all, I did chuckle at the irony that Woods would choose Kelly "Lynch Him In A Back Alley" Tilghman, as she once was suspended for two weeks for making off-color remarks about him. Overall though, this was just pointless because he still isn't answering any questions. He was asked about Thanksgiving and he gave a b.s. "It's all in the police report" answer, even though it's NOT in the police report. He never talked to the police, nor was any explanation given (blood tests, breathalyzer, etc.) as to why he evaded a DUI. He wasn't asked about the investigation regarding Doctor Anthony Galea, or if he's talked to the FBI during their investigation. He did deny that anybody in his camp was pimping women towards him, even though TMZ and others have reported that the head of his design group Byron Bell was doing exactly that for him. If this latest misstep has proven anything, it's that Woods still hasn't learned a damn thing during this whole saga. He's still a raging dirtball, and will always be one. I have a sickly feeling though, that his ass-lickers are not going to care, and will still look to him as their hero when all the smoke clears.

Denial Isn't Just A River In Egypt...

I keep meeting people that don't understand why the Eldrick Woods situation is so bad. They keep telling me that this is only between him and his family, and that we should all leave him alone. You can imagine my reaction.

In an effort to address why this is not the typical situation involving a guy cheating on his wife, let me just summarize with the following links and images. Woods went from being:

1. This (11 second mark)

to

2. This

Hopefully these links will help people understand that Woods was strategically positioned as role model for kids. Now we all know, that he's not a role model for anybody, and like any fallen role model, it's ALL of our business to examine why the god ended up being false. For everyone that ever bought his Gatorade, his Nike clothes, his Nike hats, his Nike golf balls, his golf clubs, his Buick cars, (you see where I'm going with this?), we all deserve answers.

Thankfully, Trey Parker, Matt Stone and the geniuses at South Park gave us their season premier which cuts through the B.S. in their usual eloquent T.V. Show. Click here to watch the episode.

Whooopee...

Goliath is returning, and apparently he's been missed by his sycophants. Eldrick decided to not only play golf professionally again, but has chosen one of the four biggest stages the PGA has in which to make his 2010 debut. "The Masters is where I won my first major and I view this tournament with great respect..." the Sex-Addicted One shared in a statement released today. The Masters also happens to allow Eldrick the best of both worlds. On the one hand, Augusta National is one of the more controlled environments on the PGA Tour. On the other hand, it also provides a golf course that has been modified over the years to specifically challenge him.

I will say this for him...even though they haven't seen much action since Thanksgiving, Eldrick's Balls are still pretty damn big, and they haven't lost any fortitude. He could have eased into this by playing in Arnold Palmer's Invitational this week, gotten the B.S. plus nerves out of the way, and come into the Masters more relaxed/focused. Obviously that's not good enough for him, since he's deciding to retake his spot on the top by playing his first round in one of the four major tournaments of the year. While his testicular fortitude is admirable, and will no doubt only enable his posterior-kissers in the media (looking at YOU Rick Reilly) to pucker up once again, it's no guarantee that he will succeed. Just ask Rod Blagojevich.

Putting aside my longstanding vitriol of Woods, and the people who (still) love him for a moment, let's look at this objectively. People can point all they want on how Woods has always blocked out whatever hardships he's had to deal with in the past. They can (and already have in some cases) almost celebrate the fact that whatever Woods has had to deal with never affected his game until their hearts are content. The fact of the matter is none of that matters now because this is the first time ever that Woods' actions have caused people to dislike him. He's never had to deal with that before. He's never had to deal with the possibility of (god forbid) being heckled on the golf course before. His status as a role model was never questioned, or blasted before. He's never let anyone down before, and it will be interesting to see how he handles that on the golf course.

Maybe he comes back and plays like he never missed a beat. The Beard won't deny that possibility. But what happens if he isn't the same golfer? At least not right away? What if he actually IS rusty? What if he does lose his composure a little more frequently than he did before? There's plenty that could go wrong for him that he may not be fully aware of, or not really care about, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't care about it. He certainly didn't mind acting like that during his marriage, and look where that behavior got him.

One thing that is for sure is that his actions are that of someone who is unafraid of betting on himself. It will get even people like me who hate his guts, watching with interest on April 8.

Here's hoping that some brave woman dresses up in a Perkins Waitress uniform and stands in front of him in one of the galleries...

Storm Coming?

In case you have forgotten (and Steve Henson of Yahoo Sports hasn't), Doctor Anthony Galea is still in a lot of trouble. Galea is still facing charges in Canada for selling a drug called Actovegin (which is an unapproved drug extracted from calf's blood), and his assistant is facing charges in the U.S. for trying to cross the border with HGH. Galea's official specialty is using a blood spinning technique, in which the blood is literally spun in a centrifuge and re-injected into the injured joint in order to accelerate healing. That sounds somewhat different or cutting edge at first glance but apparently it's not. Despite this apparently rudimentary treatment, it certainly didn't stop a whole lot of athletes and sports figures from travelling north of the border to seek him out. It should also be mentioned that Galea himself has admitted he uses HGH for himself, but never prescribed it to athletes (my B.S. Detector just exploded as soon as I heard Galea say that btw).

When news of Galea's arrest broke, the first "name" patient that emerged was Tiger Woods. As time and the investigation have moved forward, some other superstar names have come to the forefront. Alex Rodriguez, Huston Street, Carlos Beltran, Jose Reyes, and Carlos Delgado either have spoken to or have appointments to meet with the Feds regarding the Galea case. What was said to the Feds is unknown at this point. It may just simply be the athletes confirming that Galea worked on their knees, and they never received HGH or any other Performance Enhancers from Dr. Galea. However, the term Benefit Of The Doubt, does not fly on this blog, especially when it comes to possible Drug Cheating.

That being the case, there are a few things that arouse my curiosity, some of which include why would all these players, specifically New York based players, actively seek out a Canadian Doctor for simple knee treatment? How did they find him? How did the guys referring these players to Galea know how to find him? Apparently Dr. Richard Steadman, the same doctor whose clinic operated on Kobe Bryant's knee in 2003, is among one of the main referral sources for Galea. Still though, it seems a little too random that they would all be so willing to travel to Toronto on a referral for simple knee treatments?

Another curious question that comes up is why indeed are the Feds talking to all of these players with such frequency and urgency? The most obvious case where this type of behavior from the Feds took place was BALCO . As a result of the investigation, and some nice Grand Jury testimony leakage, the biggest Doping In Sports scandal was exposed, of which Major League Baseball-specifically the past decade, has never fully recovered from.

All these little coincidences and reminders beg the overall largest question to be asked which is : Is this the beginning of another storm of drug cheating surrounding Major League Baseball players, Olympians, NFL players, and The Goliath Of Golf? Is this as big, or possibly bigger than the BALCO case, in terms of inter-agency cooperation, public disclosure, and re-examination of the legitimacy of certain sports achievements? Or is this simply a case of a whole lot of smoke but no fire?

The problem is, we might never know. It took a crooked lawyer talking to two reporters in order for BALCO to fully come to light. ESPN certainly won't be devoting anyone to this story full time since they are still in bed with MLB. One thing's for sure though, if this were to be BALCO Part II, Bud Selig might finally understand that there is no "moving on" from the steroid era, unless he really is interested in getting to the bottom of the steroid era. Somehow I don't see that happening either...

Dollars and Sense

So much for empty apologies. Gatorade has ended it's business relationship with Eldrick Woods, a week after Woods' phony baloney, completely mishandled apology. That's three endorsements that Woods can now call "former" with Accenture and AT&T dropping him earlier.

Not everyone is avoiding all things Eldrick these days. The King Of All Media Howard Stern is offering to host a beauty contest between all of Woods' slut-bags for $100,000. A good idea is a good idea! Who knows if it will actually come to fruition, but goodness knows it would be entertaining if it did. Here's hoping...

"Pathetic...Party of One?"

Where to begin, other than apparently he can read words that someone else wrote for him on a sheet of paper? Eldrick Woods lived up to what was expected today in an impotent attempt to set the record straight regarding his crashing empire. After saying how sorry he was for getting caught, and how he (apparently all of a sudden) cares about all the pain he caused his family, friends, sponsors, charitable organizations, peers on the PGA tour, board of directors of the tour, and everyone else who thought he was the superhero he tried to convince people he was...he went on to point the finger instead of the thumb with this gem:

"...However, my behavior doesn't make it right for the media to follow my two-and-a-half-year-old daughter to school and report the school's location. They staked out my wife and they pursued my mom. Whatever my wrongdoings, for the sake of my family, please leave my wife and kids alone."

Too little too late Eldrick. Did you just discover some drawbacks of being a celebrity? As I explained to Rossi, Privacy is a privilege to celebrities. Especially ones who use the media when it benefits you to do so. The media works both ways Eldrick. They are there when you do notable things like win a whole bunch of golf tournaments. They are there to perpetuate your image that you present them. And as you just discovered, they are also there when you F up. The moment your SUV hit that fire hydrant on Thanksgiving, your Privacy Privileges expired, and now you've got to pay the penalty. Part of that penalty involves your family picking up tab of public exposure, and being endlessly pursued by the media. As Jim Rome said earlier today, "You can't beat the Paparazzi. They're undefeated."

Just when The Beard thought there was nothing more pathetic than what he was watching on TV, he quickly found something else, and that would be the "Tiger Apologists" that call themselves "journalists". I've never been sickened more at these so-called truth seekers blatantly going out of their way to praise him for addressing this situation...in a COMPLETELY controlled environment! Every website from ESPN, CBSsportsline, Yahoo Sports, etc has at least 2 columnists saying how impressed they are with Tiger's performance, when anyone with a three digit I.Q. a long term memory, and a sense of rational logic knows that this wasn't even close to trying to apologize and come clean.

Fortunately, I was able to find some members of the media that knew this was a straight up B.S. job on Woods' part.

Let's hope that the rest of the people out there will do their own thinking on this, and not be swayed by the talking heads to believe in Tiger again...

Pussycat Woods

Eldrick Woods has decided to make a statement (or something) this Friday at PGA Headquarters in Ponte Vedra Beach, FL. According to his agent Mark Steinberg, "Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future and he plans to apologize for his behavior." Before anyone should get their hopes up, it should be pointed out that Eldrick will NOT be taking any questions from the press.......at his own press conference!

(YAWN) This is nothing more than a half-assed Mark McGwire-esque type of apology. It's the type of apology that is arrogant in its motive, because it is devoid of real ownership on Woods' part. If he really was interested in owning up to his mistakes, he would take questions. He would take them as long as he could, and then take a few more. If he was really interested in winning the public back, he would take his lumps the same way Kobe Bryant did in 2003 when his own sexual misconduct outside of marriage came out. Have a press conference, make a statement, sincerely apologize, and (tad dah) take questions. Kobe seemed to understand that he would never be able to go back to the way it was in terms of public admiration. More importantly he understood that the truth shall literally and figuratively set him free.

This bizarre statement-and-run from Woods shows that he hasn't learned anything from this entire fiasco. He hasn't learned that he alone is responsible for this situation and nobody else, despite his thinly veiled media bashing in his two previous statements regarding this ordeal. I'd expect even more "Damn Media" comments in this upcoming statement, since Woods has historically pointed the finger, rather than the thumb his entire life. There's also one more key lesson that Woods still hasn't learned yet:

You can run, but you can't hide...

Tiger Puzzle Piece

So Gerald Posner wrote this piece for our friends at thedailybeast.com describing the events that took place on Thanksgiving night between Tiger and Elin in detail. It draws information from two unnamed sources who are close with Elin, and it sheds a lot of light into just how Tiger ended up crashing his SUV while shoeless and how Elin ended up with a golf club in her hand.

Some of the new information that emerged from this piece has Tiger actually putting Elin on the phone with Rachel Uchitel in a desperate and lame attempt to convince Elin that their relationship was simply platonic. It also shows that Elin isn't stupid and is rather crafty herself. Elin waits until Tiger's nightly ambien takes effect, grabs his cellphone and sends Uchitel text messages posing as Tiger to get her to reveal herself as Tiger's 19th hole. Game, Set, Match, Nordegren.

Again, couldn't happen to a nicer guy, and it's simply awe-inspiring to see how far he is falling...

HUH?!

So apparently Sir Eldrick Woods, Esq, has been spotted at a sexual addiction clinic in Hattiesburg, MS. You mean THAT guy in the photo on the left might like sex too much?! C'mon! Apparently, until reports emerge otherwise, this is the real deal. Some other interesting aspects of this treatment, is that Elin would have to participate in the recovery process at the facility, and Tiger at one point might actually be hooked up to a polygraph. Ummmmm.....OK?

Is Tiger's problem really sex addiction? Doctor Drew Pinsky certainly isn't 100% sold that it is, and The Beard isn't either*. Sex is just one component of Tiger's problem, but it's not THE problem he has. Tiger's main problem, and source of all this turmoil in his personal life, is an out of control Ego, plain and simple. For most of his life, Eldrick has been surrounded by the bulletproof image of invincibility and perfection. He's also been surrounded by people, fans, media, enablers, smooching his posterior, stroking his ego (and occasionally more than just his ego), and telling him how awesome he is for the better part of two decades.

While in NO way is that an excuse for Tiger, it's more than plausible to suggest that all of that constant praise would start to get to any person's head after a while. They might actually start to believe that they can do anything they want, (i.e. Perkins Waitresses, and Porn Stars) despite being married to a former Swedish model. Couple that with the notion that Tiger more than likely didn't want to get married in the first place, and only did so to further enhance his image, and the picture of what his problem might be, starts to become clearer. That picture being his Ego, and overall arrogance in general, reached out of control levels long ago, and now it's finally time to pay the tab for all the emotional damage he's done.

So while Tiger's handlers may have come up with this idea to put him in Sex Addiction Rehab in order to make it seem like he's getting help, I'm not buying it. Unless the Rehab is called "Ego Rehab", or more appropriately, "Intensive Psychoanalysis Rehab", The Beard refuses to believe this is something Tiger wants to do, let alone needs to do.

We'll see if Elin feels the same down the road...


*I am not going to claim to be an expert on sex-addiction. I'm also not going to pretend I know the guy, or that I've even met him, or have ever been in the same zip code as him once upon a time ago. All that is known about Woods has been formulated from what I've seen, read, and heard about him, so take it with a grain of salt.

Case Of The Mondays

Even on a holiday, Monday's still happen, especially to the Chicago Bulls. They suddenly remembered that Vinny Del Negro is still their coach and promptly lost to the Golden State D-Leaguers, in one of the most perplexing idiotic losses of the season. It's the kind of loss that makes people wonder if Tim Donaghy is far from a "lone wolf" as David Stern once described him. Either way, this Bulls team continues to be, in the words of former MLB pitcher Tommy John, "consistently inconsistent".

Apparently Mike Nolan has been thrust into the discussion for the Bears open Defensive Coordinator position. He ran a 3-4 based scheme with the Bronco's last season, which had some pretty effective results. He also managed to do so without worrying about wearing a suit on the sideline. The Beard cautions his readers to not get their hopes up. Besides the fact that Nolan will be one of the most sought after coaching hires, there exists one large fundamental flaw for him to not want to work for the Bears. That flaw is that the defensive scheme is still dictated by Lovie Smith. Lovie has gone out of his way to say that whomever the Bears hire, will have to commit to his obsolete Tampa 2 based system. Smith has also said that with the addition of Mike Tice as Offensive Line coach, Tice will have a significant say on the structure of the offense. Why?! How the hell is that possible?! It's very difficult to remember a time when a team hired the offensive line coach before the offensive coordinator, and promised the o-line coach that he will have input on what offense is run. If anyone else can name it, please let me know. So far this has all the makings of another self-destructive, lame duck 5-11 season in 2010.

Finally, my uncle sent me an interesting article written a month ago in the Montreal Gazette. Here's the link to it. Jack Todd echos similar sentiments The Beard has expressed regarding Eldrick's self destruction, overall selfish, childish, and ego maniacal behavior that has always existed for those who bothered to pay attention to it prior to his wife catching him cheating. Todd also says some things that are a little goofy/inaccurate as well, namely calling Tony Dungy a "hero", writing that Jesse Helms was a South Carolina Senator (he was a North Carolina Senator), specifically going after Tiger's charitable efforts (Tiger has been plenty charitable with his foundation over his career) and suggesting that Earl Woods being alive would have prevented all this from happening, when Earl CHEATED ON HIS WIFE TOO!Again it's a two way street with Tiger. Yes he saw the opportunity to make as much money as he could by showcasing himself as a wholesome role model...no matter how shady, and exploitative his methods ended up being. He still needed a dance partner to pull it off, (i.e. mostly the myopic middle age male hero worshippers) and they bought his line of B.S. hook, line, and sinker. Sure people can be mad at him, No point in denying one's anger over their hero letting them down, but they better take a look in the mirror at themselves too. They played just as much of a part as he did, in making him the machine he was up until Thanksgiving Weekend...

Tiger Beat

So the acclaimed and quick tempered writer Buzz Bissinger decided to stop yelling at Will Leitch about how much he hates blogs for a moment, and wrote an article for Vanity Fair discussing the rise and ongoing fall of the Goliath of Golf, Eldrick Woods. My disagreement with Buzz's views on blogs aside, as usual Bissinger delivers the goods on a very well written and not too different take on Tiger's downfall than The Beard's.

Bissinger accurately points out that the reason the wrath exists has very little to do with Tigers' wandering pinnazio. The wrath exists mainly because Tiger (and IMG) carefully crafted and manufactured his superhuman image over the years of a down to earth, wholesome family man in order to make the Tiger Woods brand as much money as it could possibly make. This approach worked only too well, and unfortunately led to way too many grown-ass (mainly middle aged men) adults to flat out WORSHIP Tiger, when they themselves should have known better. Now that the downfall of Tiger's hero worship has begun, it has served as yet another stark reminder that athletes and sports figures are not heroes. As Cassius says in Julius Caesar, "The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings."

Anyway, I thought you would enjoy reading it.

Quick Tidbits

So apparently Tiger Woods has been named "AP: Athlete of the Decade" finishing ahead of Lance Armstrong. Even though this blog doesn't consider professional golfers "athletes" anymore than professional pool players, bowlers, or fisherman, I suppose Eldrick is as good a name as any for this award. What I find amusing is that Woods and Lance finished 1 and 2 respectively. Both of them have issues regarding possibly being dopers/drug cheats, as well as having no problems abandoning their responsibilities as husbands when it comes to practicing monogamy either! Congrats fellas!


Chris Henry has decided to endanger his life by falling out of the back of a pickup truck during a domestic dispute, and is in critical condition as a result of it. While normally the loss of life is something that shouldn't be made light of, this would be a fitting end to a bizarre individual. Chris Henry is the owner of this proud list of off-field incidents, and never seemed to understand the privileged situation he was in as a star in the National Football League. While he seemed to have made tremendous strides to the contrary recently, this incident indicates that very little has changed and now this might be the final lesson he learns (too late) that one of the worst things in life, is wasted talent.


Someone brought to my attention that Warrick Dunn is in the top 20 among all time rushing leaders in NFL History. That didn't surprise me too much. What DID surprise me was who number 27 on the list, and that was none other than the Tyler Rose Earl Campbell pictured to the left. While I vaguely remember Earl as a player, I certainly remember the romanticism and admiration former players and fans have for him. I've constantly heard what a powerful runner he was, his 34-inch thighs, and how he played with a complete disregard for his body, etc. His body of work numbers wise though, just doesn't exactly blow me away. Campbell has 2187 carries for 9,407. Other running backs with similar carries and yards include, Clinton Portis, Shaun Alexander, Terry Allen, Tiki Barber, and Jamal Lewis. Nice names, but not exactly names that are going to inspire the kind of praise, and reverence that Earl Campbell receives.

So I put it to anyone that feels compelled to weigh in. Earl Campbell...Overrated, Underrated, or Appropriately Rated?

Bad To Worse

Well a lookey what we have here!!! Apparently a Canadian Doctor was busted at the U.S.-Canadian border with Human Growth Hormone and Actovegin, which is a controversial drug that is extracted from calf's blood that is thought to increase injury recovery. Doctor Anthony Galea was arrested on October 15, and has been under investigation by both U.S. and Canadian authorities for illegally prescribing and distributing Performance Enhancing Drugs for some time. What's unusual is that this doctor is the same doctor who has treated Tiger Woods, Dara Torres, and other NFL and Canadian Football League players. Now comes word that he's also treated MLB players too.

People may recall Dara Torres (the "SHIM" pictured above next to Tiger) decided that at age 41 to comeback to Olympic Swimming. She became the first woman ever to swim in the Olympics past the age of 40, and also mysteriously swam faster than she has ever swam in her life, AFTER turning 41 years old! She claims that Doctor Galea only "drained her knee", and otherwise did not treat her.

Tiger on the other hand, has long been the subject of questions regarding his muscular physique, particularly after coming back from his knee surgery. So far, Woods has not denied being treated by Doctor Galea.

While there's way too much smoke to determine what if anything this doctor has done, and whom he has done it to, there's still some fire to this. Doctor Galea already has admitted to taking HGH himself, and is known as a "pioneer" in his industry. Usually with stories like this, the term "benefit of the doubt" no longer applies, and it would not be surprising in the least if this is BALCO Part II.