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Wednesday, June 30, 2010

But Wait! He's STILL F*CKIN UP!!!!!

Nothing like a little "Tiger Woods Is Still A Disaster" distraction to take my mind and itchiness off of LeBron for a moment! First came news that Tiger's Wandering Pinnazio is going to cost him at least $750 million in his divorce, with the agreement stipulating that Tiger cannot bring any of his whooooares around their kids unless he's married to one of them. In exchange, Elin must never speak publicly about her relationship, marriage and subsequent divorce, or reveal any details about his private life : namely Tiger's affairs outside of their marriage.

While certainly the amount of money is staggering enough to comprehend, it may be more than just a big number. When you get right down to it, he's essentially paying Elin "hush money", which is surprising because supposedly everything is out in the open now, right? We all know how often he cheated, and who he cheated with. We know how she found out, when she found out, and we also know she beat the living crap out of him with a 9 iron on Thanksgiving as a result. So why do Tiger and his attorney's believe she has to keep quiet? Is it because it will help him recover his image faster? Maybe...but I think there's another reason...

The other reason may have to do with the second piece of news that broke today, which is that Tiger spoke with the Feds regarding his treatment from the currently indicted Doctor Anthony Galea. Tiger's agent Marc Steinberg pointlessly tried to spin it by saying Tiger's not a suspect, Tiger didn't take any steroids or HGH, and he cooperated fully, blah, blah, blah. Suuuure he did. Galea is only accused of giving steroids and HGH to baseball players, NFL and CFL players, and treated Dara Torres...but I'm sure he wouldn't DARE give any juice to TIGER riiiiiiight?! (Hang on my B.S. Detector just exploded).

The fact of the matter is, Galea's assistant was caught with vials of HGH, has since plead guilty and will be a key witness against her boss. If convicted, Galea is looking at up to 20 years in prison. Do you think Galea will be willing to do the time? I personally wouldn't bet on it, which means it's only a matter of time before he starts singing like a canary, Victor Conte-style. Take a wild guess which name he might drop? His name rhymes with Tiger Woods...

So not only has Tiger paid too much hush money to his soon-to-be ex-wife, it probably won't matter anyway because he won't be able to buy Galea out of the mess he's in. Looks like you misread that putt too Tiger. God this is so much for me...

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